Making friends with a letter

When a little kid wants to make a new friend, it's usually not a big deal for him or her to just walk up to another youngster on the playground and say, "Hi! Wanna play?" Then, they run off toward the seesaws or swings. Even shy children are often approached by other kids and quickly find themselves in the middle of a group of new friends.

It's not always so easy for adults to make new friends. By the time we're grown, we've developed a layer of self-consciousness that makes us second-guess ourselves. Before we have a chance to greet someone, we often hear a little voice in our heads saying, "What if they say no? What if they don't like me? What if I have broccoli stuck in my teeth?" Sometimes, what should be a ready-made friend pool, such as an office at work or a classroom at college seems full of cliques and people who already know each other.

Here's how I reconnected with an old acquaintance several years ago and developed a long-time friendship....I wrote her a letter. Specifically, I wrote her a short note inviting her to coffee.

We had gone to college together and then worked at the same place for a couple of years. But, at the time I wrote the letter, we were both freelance writing from home. I was feeling rather isolated from the working world and wanted to connect with someone...make a friend. Even though I was accustomed to calling up strangers and interviewing them over the phone, I was suddenly shy when thinking about calling up this old friend I had grown apart from.

So, even though we lived in the same city, I wrote her a letter. I don't remember exactly what I wrote. I know I invited her to meet me for coffee sometime soon to catch up on our lives and talk about writing. I think I probably included my phone number in the note, and I'm pretty sure she called me to schedule a "date."

We live in different towns now, but we still get together from time to time, to talk over old times, discuss our careers and families, etc.

If you're looking for a friend but think the art of adult friend-making is kind of awkward, consider writing a letter. You might even explain that awkwardness in the letter:

Dear Jane,

Twenty years ago, I would've just said, "You wanna come over and play?" but that doesn't seem appropriate for adults, does it? However, I've noticed your interest in art and was wondering if you'd like to meet for coffee sometime and then take in that new exhibit at the museum. My husband doesn't enjoy modern art, and my daughter would probably be texting the whole time. If you're interested, please give me a call at (123) 456-7890 or email me at xxxxxx@xxxx.com, if you'd prefer.

I hope to hear from you soon!

Sincerely.
Betty